How To Be a Jerk

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The hot and humid summer heat we’ve gotten here in NYC has kept me indoors for the most part.  Now that the weather is cooling up a bit (a frigid 85º), I’ve been out ‘n about, enjoying what’s left of my vacation.

I hate being indoors, but I can see how being a literal hermit has its advantages – you aren’t exposed to the jerks of our world.  And believe me, they’re everywhere. Here are some ways on how you can be one of them (just in case you’re interested…)

Swiping a parking spot from someone else:  You see the car ahead of you has their signals on, but you can clearly take the spot – and you do.  You either spend way too much time arguing about it with the other driver or you walk off feeling like the king of the world.  Well, you are the king – of jerks!  Keep this in mind the next time you try to steal a parking spot: that other driver not only knows where you parked, but quite possibly the make/model of your car and your license plate number.   Nothing is worse that car-ma, my friend.  Plus, people can be crazy.  I mean.  Really crazy.

Being late – especially at the movies:  Lateness is as absolute pet peeve of mine.  Nothing turns me into the Incredible Hulk faster.  But latecomers at the movies (or any scheduled event, for that matter) are really inexcusable.  First of all, you knew what time the movie started and you were late anyway.  Now, you’re:  1) blocking my view because you need to find a seat in a pitch-dark theater 2)  chewing your annoyingly crunchy popcorn and 3)  opening your loud candy packaging.  Plus, you’re talking about how funny it is that you’re tripping over people who cared enough to be on time.  Oh and did you know that there’s a butt and/or crotch parade in my face?  Ta-da!  You’re an official jerk.

Jaywalking:  I’ll admit, I was a jaywalker before I became an avid driver.  Now that I drive more often than not, I see how jaywalking is the worst decision a pedestrian can make.  Why?   Hmmmm…how’s about…DEATH?!?  Why would you jaywalk when the crosswalk is a mere 2 feet in front of you?  Most jaywalkers don’t even look – they just walk/run/walk-run across the busiest streets known to man as though they’re made of steel and can’t be hurt by a moving vehicle.  Newsflash:  You may not be made of steel…but you certainly are a jerk!

Not obeying traffic laws/street signs:  In the similar tune of jaywalking – what is it with some drivers…and bicyclists?? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone in a car or bike arrogantly sail through a red light like it’s nobody’s business.  Guess what – unless your mode of transportation has some sort of invisible forcefield, you’re putting yourself (and others) in danger.  Ditto for not using your signal and wearing all black at night while on a bike.  Take a sec and turn around – this shaking middle finger is all yours, you jerk!

Talking over someone in a conversation/Changing the subject:  Someone is talking about drama at work and is obviously very upset.  They need to vent to you and/or a group of friends.  Somewhere in between “That crazy b*tch!” and “Eff that!”  you decide to loudly chime in – about the latest political scandal – or worse – your wonderful colleagues and how lucky you are to have the best boss ever.  Do yourself a favor:  Look in the mirror and tell that story – because you should spend time with like-minded jerks like yourself.

Not leaving your waiter a tip:  Yes, the waiter smirked a little when he/she took your order.  Yes, you didn’t know tonight’s specials.  Yes, you waited almost 30 minutes for your food.  All justifiable reasons to be miffed.  But does that mean you shouldn’t leave a tip at the end of a meal that you fully consumed?  Pause for a second: Imagine what a waiter goes through on daily basis – working for less than desirable wage, while maintaining a perfect smile throughout your complicated burger order.  Oh, and having an amazing memory to boot after barely making it through a 12-hour shift.   Remember that for the most part, waiters do not control the kitchen staff and vice versa.  I wholeheartedly agree that there are some reasons when you shouldn’t  –  maybe your waiter told a racist joke that went too far or yelled at your kid (perhaps while being racist).  Unless your reasons are super extreme, I think not leaving a tip is a jerk move. (P.S. – I wouldn’t show up to this restaurant again if I were you…just sayin’…)

Cutting in line/Pushing:  Whether at a crowded store, the long line to merge off/onto a highway exit, or getting a seat on the subway, cutting in line and/or pushing is simply saying, “My needs are more important than yours.”  Oh yeah, and, “I’m a complete and utter jerk.”

I’m sure tons more can be added here…

Now, I’m definitely not perfect, but I do think a little consideration goes a long, long way.  You may want to try it next time you’re contemplating entering the realm of jerkdom.

xoxo andrea

Coffee Shop Follies

Surprisingly, there’s a ton of people in the coffee shop today. The weather is so beautiful that I was expecting to grab a seat immediately, but there’s a study group over on the right (isn’t it summer?), a woman and her friend having a very in-depth conversation on the left (by “in-depth” I mean “arguing”), and a couple of my people (those with laptops) scattered throughout the café. Iced green tea in hand, I try to look nonchalant as I keep my eye out for anyone that makes the slightest indication that he/she/they/it is leaving.

Books closing, computers folding shut, the sound of a bag’s zipper ring melodically in my ears as I make my way towards the center of the floor. “Yes!” I say to myself. Sure, my computer bag hits a few heads along my journey. Yeah, my purse, being lifted in the air out of concern for other innocent bystanders, (by”sitters?”) wobbles uncontrollably.  So what if the lid of my cold beverage  is about to pop off because of my eager (and pressure-filled) grasp?  I’m getting a seat! Suckers.

The sound of my bags hitting the side of my body (and the people around me) serve as the soundtrack of my travels. I can already see myself typing furiously on my laptop, sipping my drink, getting things done as I should. Tomorrow I can relax…Saturday, I’ll get a little more done…Sunday I’ll relax a bit more…Monday, I’ll come here again…maybe I’ll even sit in the same seat! I quietly chuckle to myself. The sun’s shining…the sky is blue. It’s going to be a great day, indeed.

Wait.

“Can you watch my stuff? I’ll be right back.” What?  You mean…the orange table with its magnificent shine…the comfortable, cushioned seat…the perfectly placed electrical outlet…why aren’t you leaving?!?  This table and I…we were obviously made for each other.  Alas, my words fall on deaf ears. “Sure,” I say begrudgingly.

She returns and smiles, “Thanks!” For nothing! I say to myself. I heave my bags back on my shoulders like a camel, with a very fake and tight-lipped smile.

I return to my post. Others are scoping out the joint. My heart is beating out of my chest.  Why I am so nervous?  Oh – through squinted eyes, I look at a couple in the far right. They are standing next to TWO tables. The nerve!

My refreshing beverage now becomes a sudden annoyance. I need to throw it out, but I’m afraid that one false move will cause me to lose this game in this pathetic table race.

I see movement. Off in the distance, I see Enemy #1 making his way over to my intended target. He has no bags, no drink, no jacket….he’s not even here to work! I stuff the plastic cup into my purse, and as it makes a crackling sound, I start to sprint. Well, as much as you can sprint with a backpack, a shoulder bag, a laptop and an open beverage. The melted ice snakes through my purse. I ignore it, of course.

I’m (half) flying through the aisle and do a side-move with the precision of a trained athlete. Everything is flying in different directions. Bags 1-3, arms, legs, hair… People are looking at me in sheer awe….or disbelief…I don’t know the difference. They’ve probably never seen moves like this before, I think. I shout a million “Excuse me’s.” Why, I don’t know. In fact, I don’t understand why saying “excuse me” makes anything better…whether it be an obnoxious burp or flatulence. In any case, Enemy #1 gives his accomplice a signal. I turn around in slow motion…as I look back….

It’s too late. Enemy #1 has already staked his claim at the table that could’ve been mine. All mine. Enemy #2 gives a thumbs-up. Lame.  Who even does that anymore, I think….angrily.

A woman in an official-looking trench coat whizzes by me, knocking my bag to the floor. No apology. I want to give her the finger, but I think that’s only cool when you’re driving.

“If you’re not going to stay, then you should leave the café,” a woman in a green smock and duck-billed visor tells me. I have no words. Of course I want to stay!  But there are no tables, lady!  The odds were certainly against me.

I’m raising the white flag. It’s only been twenty minutes, but my feet are aching, my bags slipping off of my shoulders, and there’s a broken, plastic and leaky cup in one of them. I begin to leave when the most magical voice I’ve ever heard rises up and over the rapid chatter of those around me:

“Hey…do you want to sit here?”

Calm as ever, I reply, “Sure.” My bags drop to the floor in relief.  As I look around eagerly, I wonder if anyone else notices my accomplishment. Smiling from ear to ear, I give myself a mental high-five.

Note To Self…

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“I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen…”  – Conan O’Brien

"Today I Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything…"

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“…I just wanna lay in my bed…Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone…

‘Cause today I swear I’m not doing anything…Nothing at all…” 

I think the above song by Bruno Mars (aptly titled “The Lazy Song”) became so popular because it’s exactly what we feel like doing sometimes:  Absolutely nothing!  Just stay in our PJ’s all day, watch bad television, order take-out, peruse the Internet for hours, then fall asleep in a blissful, lazy haze.

Now, we do need those days from time to time – especially in our busy lives.  However, when those days become habitual, you can feel like you’re stuck in a monotonous, never-ending rut.  Here’s a few ways that I try to snap myself out of it:

Reverse the order of AM rituals:  Everyone has their own routine in the morning.  I usually brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and then start getting ready for the day.  Now, I find that I’m much more motivated by taking a shower and getting ready first, followed by breakfast.  Mixing up your routine just adds some variety to an otherwise mundane schedule. Bonus Tip:  Try to wake up as early as possible – you’ll get so much more from the day!   This is a real challenge for me when I’m off from work, but I do find that gradually pushing my alarm clock’s time back by an hour helps in rising a bit earlier than usual without feeling like I’ve been jolted out of bed.

Turn OFF the computer and/or television:  A bit ironic, I know, but the age of the Internet has imprisoned us – and we do it to ourselves.  Nowadays, we don’t have to leave our homes for groceries, entertainment, or even sending mail. Powering down your computer will help you realize that there is life beyond cyberspace.  It may help to time yourself and/or keeping your laptop/computer out of your bedroom.  Ditto for television. Bonus Tip:  Notice – “power down” NOT “log off.”  Turning your computer completely off will avoid  getting back on again.  Television a problem?  Put the remote somewhere other than next to the bed or couch after turning off to prevent any temptation.

Get up and get out:  Taking a brisk walk can definitely help in clearing your mind (and is great exercise to boot…)  If you don’t feel like walking, bring along a book, some music or your favorite hobby. Being surrounded by nature and people can do wonders. Bonus Tip:  Invite someone.  Wear comfortable clothing and sneakers.  Bring a blanket and lie under a tree.

Enroll in a class:  Aerobics, yoga, art, dance, cooking…you name it, there’s a class for it.  Signing up for one that meets weekly is a good start.Bonus Tip:  Joining with a loved one (friend, family member, significant other) can help in keeping you motivated.

Clean:  This may seem counter-intuitive because the point here is to get out, however, I truly believe that an organized space = organized mind.  Trust me when I say that when my surroundings are messy, my life is usually out of wack.  Make afternoon/evening plans to prevent any dawdling.  Bonus Tip:  Try putting on happy tunes instead of the television to avoid distractions.

Contact someone:  Forget e-mail, text, or instant messaging – call someone that you trust to hash it out (meet in person if you can…) Chances are that you have more on your mind that you originally thought.  Bonus Tip: Please note that I’m no psychologist or medical professional of any kind.  If you are stuck in a rut for more than a day or two, it might be more than just exhaustion or a small case of the blues.  Serious emotional issues can be helped.  Talk to a professional if you truly feel like you’re losing control of your emotions and it’s negatively impacting your life.

 

What I DON’T do:  Shop, head to a local restaurant/bar (just temporary fixes), read self-help books or magazine articles (you’ll constantly be in your head, long after you’re done reading),   update a facebook/twitter status (you will dwell on it all day – especially if people comment!), watch movies (staying inside for hours on end is a definite no-no)…basically anything that will keep me down ‘n out!

Whatever the reason, getting unstuck can be a pretty difficult task.  In my experience, keeping yourself busy on a regular basis can help prevent getting into a consistent rut.  On the flip side, remember to take time out when life seems a bit overwhelming…just be sure to find the right solution for your own happiness.

xoxo andrea

Yep, I Made It: Oven-Roasted Veggie Wraps!

Tuesday Greetings!

By the end of the week, I’m usually so beat that my first instinct is to head over to a local restaurant or order take-out.  Alas, my resolve to improve my eating habits has motivated me to come up with healthy meal ideas that take almost no time to prepare.  Enter: the Oven-Roasted Veggie Wrap!

In my opinion, oven-roasted veggies are by far the quickest way to feel like you’ve just eaten a five-course meal.  Just wash, cut, season and roast, then add to warmed tortillas or rice.  (Veggie lovers like my mama can eat them plain!)  Also, if you’re watching your salt intake, keep in mind that seasoning is very much an option here – I barely used any salt and pepper.

What I really like about this meal is that you can use as many veggies as you want AND you can experiment with different types if you hate monotony in your food (like I do!)  You can even roast fruits!  E-gads!

In the below recipe, I’ve added tofu for protein purposes.  If you aren’t a fan of pure veggies, feel free to add lean meats.

And awayyy we go!

Oven-Roasted Veggie Wraps

What You’ll Need:

• 2-3 bell peppers (try to mix colors – I used red, green and yellow)
• 2-3 small yellow squash
• 2-3 small zucchini
• 2-3 large portobello mushrooms
• 1 package of firm or extra firm tofu, drained
• 1-2 tbsp. soy or Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 tbsp. fresh ginger, grated
• 1 avocado
• 1 cup baby spinach (or lettuce of your choice)
• 4 medium whole wheat tortillas
• Olive oil
• Salsa (italian or honey mustard dressing works too!)
• Salt and pepper to taste

What You’ll Do:

1.  Pre-heat oven to 450ºF.

2.  Wash and cut bell peppers, yellow squash and zucchini.  I like them in 1/4 pieces just so they’re bite-sized!

3.  Wash and simply slice mushrooms.

4.   Using a brush, lightly coat a large baking sheet or roasting pan (about 15″ x  12″) with olive oil.

5.  Put veggies in a bowl and lightly season with salt and pepper.  Lightly drizzle olive oil (remember, your pan is already greased!)  Mix until coated.

6.  Place veggies on your baking sheet/roasting pan and put in the oven for about 5-7 minutes on each side.  Make sure there is room between vegetables so they can cook evenly.  Check on them often!  Each veggie takes its own time!  =)

7.  Drain tofu and place on paper towels to absorb excess water.  Slice and coat with soy or Worcestershire sauce.  Add ginger.   Mix and let it marinate for about 10 minutes.

8.  When veggies are done, place tofu on baking sheet/roasting pan for about 5-7 minutes on each side.

9.  While the tofu is roasting, wash baby spinach/lettuce and slice avocado.

10.  When the tofu is crisp on both sides, it’s done! Turn off your oven, remove baking sheet/roasting pan and warm tortillas on another foil-lined baking sheet.  Your oven should be super hot, so it’ll only take about a minute!

11.  Assemble!  Place all ingredients in your wrap.  Add salsa, italian or honey mustard dressing, and then….you’re ready to eat!

Other veggies to try:  sweet potatoes, eggplant, red onions, asparagus…roasted fruits like apples and peaches will add some sweetness (you don’t need to season or add oil…)  Enjoy!

xoxo andrea

If You Don’t Know…

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Happy Monday!

 

In this edition of If You Don’t Know, here are two links that really had an impact on me this week.  I hope you find solace in them as much as I did:

 

• I think that as we get older, life tends to challenge our belief in the actual good in people.  Here, 21 Photos That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity.  (Above, a 17-year-old runner helps her injured competitor…)

• Related, if you’ve been jaded: 10 Photos That Will Restore Your Faith In (True, Everlasting) Love. (I was floored at #10….)

 

Have a great week just knowing that people have the potential to be absolutely amazing!

 

xoxo andrea

Note To Self…

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“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you…”

 

– Zooey Deschanel

The Happy List

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July went by slowlyyyy, but August is moving right along!  Here are a few items that helped me happily ring it in this week:

• Above, Monday was my 3 year Blogiversary!  =)  Like the many bloggers out there, this forum has definitely been a catalyst in reigniting my love for writing.  And I appreciate the fact that I get to share it with you!  It all started right here.

•  The New Girl!  Zooey Deschanel and the rest o’ her gang on the cast is amazing in this modern take on Three’s Company (except it’s Four’s Company =)  I’m very addicted!

• I did make that Eggplant Panini with Pesto!  Both the fam and bf loved it!  Score!

• Stuck to my workout routine.  Sore.  As.  Heck. But. Feelin’.  Good!

• Found my beloved Jason Mraz Tee.

• Cucumbers + Apples + Pears + Juicer = Deliciousness!

• Finally, singing along to this (very loudly)  while driving with the windows wayyy down…

 ‘Hope this weekend’s a grand one!

xoxo andrea

Bring It On, Sleep!

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Your mind is racing, you’re tossing and turning – you know you’re in for another sleepless night.  Insomnia has reared its ugly head and you don’t know what you can do to finally get some well-deserved zzz’s.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a true insomniac – some of my posts are done way past 2AM! But there are a few things that I can certainly avoid in order to get a good night’s rest…especially some of these senseless rituals that I tend to perform right before I’m supposed to be sound asleep:

1.  Above, drinking any sort of caffeinated beverage.  Coffee, soda, Red Bull, 5-Hour Energy – you get the point.  I mean, duh.  (Drinking lots of water right before bed isn’t too smart, either.)

2.  Watching any part of a series on television.  For some reason, the best of the worst is on television after midnight – in bulk.  You name it, if I start watching one episode and there’s 10 more, I feel like I must stay tuned to see what happens next.  (Enter all guilty pleasure shows here…)

3.  Doing my nails – nail art if I feel extra energetic.  Looks great(!) until I finally do decide to sleep – and the position of choice is as though I’m in some sort of casket.  This is so I avoid smudged nails in the morning (which happens anyway….)

4.  Playing any video/online/app game.  Bejeweled, Words With Friends, Draw Something, Mario Kart, Scrabble…not a good idea when you’re trying to sleep.  Especially if your opponent gets a notification at 4AM.  Whoops.

5.  Listening to any sort of music you can sing along to.  Wilson Phillips, Beyonce, Journey…I need to take these off of my “I NEED TO SLEEP” playlist.

6.  Turning the A/C to an almost freezing temperature.  Unless you’re armed with a down comforter, hat, gloves or scarf, you will be forced to turn this off in the middle of the night.  If you are in the 21st century and have a remote, congratulations!  For the rest of us, hellooo stubbed toe.

7.  Logging onto Facebook.  ‘Nuff said.

 

8.  Piggybacking on #7, surfing the Internet, period.  I can’t begin to tell you how many hours I’ve wracked up researching random topics such as hairstyles, current events, shoes, celebrities, etc.  (You’ve probably noticed that I use the term “researching” quite loosely here…)

9.  Laundry.  I always forget to factor in drying time.  Double duh.

10.  Blogging.  =)

Here’s to a good night’s sleep!

xoxo andrea